How I Staged The Perfect One Night Stand via Bumble


As I sat in my apartment in Bed-Stuy, Brooklyn on a cold Saturday evening, I’d grown bored of the day already. With no exciting evening to look forward to, I opened my Bumble app and began swiping. In less than 8 minutes I matched with Siim, a fire eating, tiger holding, rapper. I know he sounds suspect, but for me he was intriguing. What can I say, I’m a curious. If I were a cat I would’ve been dead a long time ago. 

Our interaction was precise. It was my mission to meet someone in the same night, so I knew it was important to keep the conversation brief. His profile said he was offering a truth *rolls eyes* I took the bait.  I asked him what truth he was offering, and if we could meet up later for a drink to discuss. Just like that I had a date. We exchanged numbers, and agreed to meet at a bar a block away from my apartment at 9pm. 

Naturally I walked to the supermarket for a bottle of red wine to prepare for the night. I showered, shaved, and rubbed my body down in shea butter mixed with vanilla essential oil. After getting dressed I headed to the bar, hoping this wouldn’t be a catfish, and that he was as cute as the pictures promised. 

I found him sitting in the corner at a table, dressed in the same off white cotton like ensemble he wore in is pictures. I’m guessing this was his uniform. Right away the conversation was off to a great start, we were both talkers. We debated over a few drinks, talking about things I can not recall. None of it mattered because at this point I think we both knew he was coming home with me. The drinks were good, the vibe was right, and just like that we were on our way to my apartment. 

We kissed on the walk home, both of our tongues tasting of bourbon. Once we were in my apartment the only words I remember saying is, “do you have a condom?” We fucked passionately, and aggressively for what seemed to be hours, only stopping in between to light up the ganja. He smelled sweet, and his touch was gentle. After going through two more condoms we both passed out, and fell asleep in a cuddle. The next morning he got up to leave, and I haven’t seen him since. 

I think my stars were aligned that night, for it to be so perfect. After that encounter I knew if I ever planned another one night stand through a dating app, I’d keep it quick and dirty. Of course not all of them will end in a rump, but I believe if you plan it just right, you can get exactly what you’re looking for. Have you ever had a great one night stand via dating app? Was it a success? I’ve been told that most dating apps are solely for hookups these days, but if that’s true, why did it take me this long to get it right?

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