How I Staged The Perfect One Night Stand via Bumble

Wine-bar

As I sat in my apartment in Bed-Stuy, Brooklyn on a cold Saturday evening, I’d grown bored of the day already. With no exciting evening to look forward to, I opened my Bumble app and began swiping. In less than 8 minutes I matched with Siim, a fire eating, tiger holding, rapper. I know he sounds suspect, but for me he was intriguing. What can I say, I’m a curious. If I were a cat I would’ve been dead a long time ago. 

Our interaction was precise. It was my mission to meet someone in the same night, so I knew it was important to keep the conversation brief. His profile said he was offering a truth *rolls eyes* I took the bait.  I asked him what truth he was offering, and if we could meet up later for a drink to discuss. Just like that I had a date. We exchanged numbers, and agreed to meet at a bar a block away from my apartment at 9pm. 

Naturally I walked to the supermarket for a bottle of red wine to prepare for the night. I showered, shaved, and rubbed my body down in shea butter mixed with vanilla essential oil. After getting dressed I headed to the bar, hoping this wouldn’t be a catfish, and that he was as cute as the pictures promised. 

I found him sitting in the corner at a table, dressed in the same off white cotton like ensemble he wore in is pictures. I’m guessing this was his uniform. Right away the conversation was off to a great start, we were both talkers. We debated over a few drinks, talking about things I can not recall. None of it mattered because at this point I think we both knew he was coming home with me. The drinks were good, the vibe was right, and just like that we were on our way to my apartment. 

We kissed on the walk home, both of our tongues tasting of bourbon. Once we were in my apartment the only words I remember saying is, “do you have a condom?” We fucked passionately, and aggressively for what seemed to be hours, only stopping in between to light up the ganja. He smelled sweet, and his touch was gentle. After going through two more condoms we both passed out, and fell asleep in a cuddle. The next morning he got up to leave, and I haven’t seen him since. 

I think my stars were aligned that night, for it to be so perfect. After that encounter I knew if I ever planned another one night stand through a dating app, I’d keep it quick and dirty. Of course not all of them will end in a rump, but I believe if you plan it just right, you can get exactly what you’re looking for. Have you ever had a great one night stand via dating app? Was it a success? I’ve been told that most dating apps are solely for hookups these days, but if that’s true, why did it take me this long to get it right?

One Night Stand With an Investment Banker

Blog-post-2-stereotypes-cover1-1024x652Image via Google

I’d just hit my one year anniversary in New York, and believe it or not, I was still an amateur at dating in the city. I consider myself an old soul, so often times I try to steer clear of dating apps. Yet, just like any other twenty something year old, I find myself at the mercy of Tinder (Bumble, OkCupid, Happn, SoulSwipe). You name it, I’m there. 

It was another dreaded Monday morning, and while pretending to work hard, I was at my desk thinking about men. For the last time I decided to give Tinder a try. I downloaded the app, and began the swiping war. After a few hours went by I finally matched, and started to have a great conversation with an interesting guy. His name was Max, and he was an investment banker from Kazakhstan. We chatted throughout the day, and besides the fact that he was an investment banker, he seemed to be a pretty cool person. 

We agreed to meet up that evening at bar called Mace in East Village, known for their craft cocktails. To no surprise, I arrived a little late. As I walked in he stood up to greet me, he was very tall with tanned skin, dark hair, and very nice lips. We ordered drinks and got to know each other a little better. The conversation was going great. He talked about his exciting life as an investment banker, and his family, which I thought was sweet. Every girl loves a family man. After the third drink he asked if I wanted to try out another bar, and I agreed. The night was young! 

We jumped in a cab and he directed the driver to a bar I hadn’t heard of. He assured me I’d love it, and that they had the best wine selection. As we were riding, my sweet gentleman started to get a little frisky. He gently grabbed my face, and started to kiss me without permission. I was taken aback, but there was something about his assertiveness I enjoyed. I didn’t stop him. Before I knew it, we were in Williamsburg, Brooklyn. The driver pulled over to the curb, and we jumped out of the cab. I had no idea why we’d driven all the way to Brooklyn for great wine, but this was my attempt to go with the flow. 

Once we were out of the cab he gave me two options. One was the bar with great wine, the other was his studio apartment, which we happened to be standing right in front of. I went with his apartment, since it seemed to be the only answer he wanted to hear. Once we were inside he poured me a glass of wine. Before I could finish he was on top of me, tongue deep down my throat. I quickly pushed his shoulder back, and told him to slow down a bit. I’d literally only taken one sip from my glass, and believe me, I’d intended on finishing the bottle. He was acting like a 13 year old virgin, there was thirst in his eyes. After we exchanged a few more words, he took my hand and led me up the stairs to his loft like bedroom. At this point I knew there was no escaping what was about to happen. 

He took off all of my clothes, and I slid his shirt over his head. He was aggressive, I tried my best to keep up. After about 45 minutes of rough, sweaty, hair pulling sex, we were done. Finally. I was over him puling my hair, and asking for oral sex. Everyone knows you don’t pull black girls hair, and don’t ask for oral if you’re not reciprocating. I quickly put my clothes back on, and asked him to call me an Uber. There was no way in hell I was paying for my ride back to Harlem, from Brooklyn. He called the car, and kissed me goodbye. We agreed to keep in touch, although both of us knew this was the end. I rode back uptown feeling naive, and contemplating my dating life. It made me think, why do we as women agree to do sexual things we are unsure of?  Maybe, I didn’t want to seem like a prude? Maybe I wanted sex, but definitely not like that. Whatever it was, from that point on, I promised myself I’d never just go with the flow again. If I’’m not 100% feeling it, then it’s a no. At the least, the sex could have been good, and not subpar.

Banana Nut Bread.. My SA Experience

sugar-daddy-sugar-babies-1

It started off as a “normal” first date. He invited me to a bar on the Upper East Side, near Grande Central. It was the perfect sunny day for a date. I’d just moved to Williamsburg, Brooklyn a month ago. Needless to say, I was beyond broke, so I tried my luck with SA. For those who don’t know, Seeking Arrangement is a sugar baby website. The idea is that young attractive women will be pampered by older successful men with no time to date.

 

His online profile read 29, but judging from his wise eyes and five O’clock shadow he was clearly 40+.  He was polite enough, but I definitely sensed a don’t give a fuck attitude from his slack body language. I ordered a mojito, he followed suite. I asked, “So, what are you looking for in an arrangement? What brought you to SA?” He tiredly replied, “I’ve never done this before. I recently broke up with my girlfriend and I supported her financially. It made me feel good to help someone get on their feet.”

 

As we finished our second mojito we walked out into the sticky summer heat to go our separate ways. As I turned to walk away he pulled my arm in for a kiss. His lips felt foreign. He invited me up to his apartment, which was conveniently a block away. Alarmed, but curious, I accepted his offer thinking money was in the equation. Once upstairs, I quickly scanned the small space. I sensed it was shared with a woman. There was no turning back at this point. As I sat on the couch he offered me a slice of banana nut bread. Being from the south, it’s hard to deny my love for baked treats so I accepted the desert. As I ate the moist, delicious treat he began rubbing his clammy hands over my shoulder and massaging my arm. Before I put the last bite in my mouth he had one hand between my legs, and another on my breast. He aggressively pressed his lips against mine and I let him. I’m not sure what kept me intrigued, or made me stay. As I contemplated my ability to think logically and clearly he continued exploring my body. Before I knew it, my clothes were on the floor. He was inside of me. He thrust himself back and forth, first soft, then harder. I could feel his breathing getting heavier. Then, he pulled the condom off and came onto my stomach.

 

Just like that, it was over. My mind was racing, and I needed to leave. We promised we’d be in touch soon, but leaving the building I knew I’d never come back. I knew the best thing I’d gotten from that arrangement was the moist and delicious banana nut bread.

Friend or Foe? Can women truly be friends with a past hookup?

Unfaithful boyfriend concept. Boyfriend is flirting with another

Last weekend I went out with a casual friend I met on Tinder at least five years ago. When we initially met, we tried dating.  It didn’t work. He was the artist type that had an abundance of friends, and half of them were girls he fucked. Anyhow, at this point, four years later we were practically brother and sister, to me at least. I had no sexual interest in him, and I’d met his girlfriend on several occasions. I’ve never been the type of woman to go after someone else’s man.

 

We met at an unauthentic Mexican spot.  He was sitting at the bar. I saw him in the distance, and he ushered me to come over. Once I sat down, I noticed he’d already gotten acquainted with the bartender who knew his name. We both ordered margaritas, him frozen, me on the rocks. I can always predict what kind of guy I’m dealing with by his drink preference.

 

After a few drinks we were ready to leave, and right before walking me to my car he invited me to a kickback near by. I agreed to go. Once we arrived at the location there weren’t many people, so I scanned through my phone casually. While scrolling I noticed that his girlfriend had randomly liked 8 of my pictures in the last 24 minutes. I asked him, “Did you tell your girlfriend you were with me?” He answered, “yes.”  Quite honestly, I was completely okay with him telling his girlfriend we were together. There was nothing to hide. However, I did find it strange that a woman doesn’t trust her own guy enough to let him have a simple outing with an old friend. I also couldn’t figure out for the life of me, why she’d send me subliminal messages through social media.

 

It made me think that as a single woman I shouldn’t hang out with men who are in relationships. Even as friends.  I never saw it as an issue before. Maybe I felt that since I knew the guy first, it didn’t make a difference.

 

Are single women allowed to hang out with men in a relationship if they were friends first? Are men in relationships still hoping there’s a possibility of hooking up with their single friend? How do you know if it’s just a friend or a long lasting relationship with an ex that you should just let go of?

I’m Just Too Much Fun..

Whenever I visit the city I attended college in, my home away from home, I always hook up with my ex boyfriend. This is an ex from four years ago, that I should have dropped the minute he ghosted me. Some how, I’ve managed to hit him up every time I’m in town, and often times he’ll randomly reach out to me via social media checking to see when I’ll be in town again. I guess you can see I have unfinished business.

too much fun

Honestly, we’ve always had a great time together. The sex is an A plus, I’m always guaranteed delicious dinner, and tasty drinks. So, whenever I have extra time on my hands, and I’m up for an exciting night I’ll call him. On our most recent date night, he was curious to know why I don’t have a boyfriend yet, especially since we’re now in our mid to late 20’s. Now, I could ask him the same question, but I could guess a few reasons why he’s single. Besides, I know he’s inquisitive only because I’m a woman with no history of a relationship over the course of four years. Yea, he’s that guy.

My answer to his question was that I’ve been on my grind, doing my own thing, and getting my career in order. I felt my answer was sincere, but for him, it may as well been shit on a platter. He instantly grew quite a large pair of balls under the dinner table, and proceeded to coach me on the reasons I don’t have a partner. “You’re just too much fun, ” he said. “Guys need to be controlled, and you just go with the flow. Everything is a good time with you.”  Little did he know, I’m all fun with him because I’ll never take him seriously. For only a moment I pondered over his reasoning. For the sake of it, let’s say that I am too much fun. At what point should I stop being fun, to let a guy know that I’m truly interested in taking the relationship to the next level? Why does control ever have to play a part in a relationship? That sounds like a relationship doomed for failure. How about I just keep being fun, and find someone fun to ride along. What’s so bad about that?